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No idea: College Applications Crush Spirits


How I will feel for the rest of the school year...

After a long, grueling winter, my struggle with the college application process is finally over.


The break started on a good note; I was incredibly productive and blitzed through many colleges. However, as the weather became colder, my productivity started to tank. It got so bad that I needed to use a series of four-day plans to stay on track.


After I had just submitted another application to a college, I opened Instagram, hoping to relax. Instead, I was struck by envy from over the horizon as I witnessed others enjoying the luxuries of the bourgeoisie. As I toiled away at the 25 supplemental essays and repetitive Common App forms, other people jetted off to Italy and France and gorged themselves in 3-star Michelin restaurants. I was Atlas, crushed under the allied pressure of my parents’ expectations and the unbridled freedom my fellow classmates were allowed.

All I could think about during the break was college applications; even though my freedom expanded during Christmas and New Year’s Eve, it was not enough to stop me from feeling like a prisoner of the war against college applications. The Common Application only allows 20 schools to be added to the list, saving potential spots for people who are genuinely interested and not applying to get an acceptance letter.


I maxed the list out with around 40 essays, each seemingly more painful to write than the last. That was only the start of my struggles: I applied to three schools with separate portals, filling in the same information over and over again, as the days of the break blended together. Arguments arose as my parents suggested I focus on Ivy League schools that they were convinced I would get into because my sister was a legacy.


It appeared that my parents and I had different goals in this process. I spent most of my days working until 3:00 a.m., revising the same sentence over and over again since it apparently sounded better just by changing one part of the independent clause, or entirely rewriting the same essay multiple times.


It scares me the most that I still haven’t concluded this chapter of the story. The end result of my work is yet to be seen. I wish to move on from this difficult period of time and enjoy the last months of high school that are left. Life is still for living!




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